You can’t out-help someone’s attachment to their problem
Because the problem isn’t just a problem to them. It’s doing a job for them that your solution can’t replace.
Identity: If I let go of this, who am I without it? Some people have carried something so long it’s become part of their story. Healing would mean rewriting the story.
Payoff: Every stuck problem has a hidden benefit. The anxiety that keeps them from trying, so they never have to fail. The chaotic relationship that gives them a sense of purpose. The business that never launches, so they never have to be seen and judged.
Safety: A familiar pain is often safer than an unfamiliar peace. At least they know how to survive this one. Getting better means stepping into unknown territory with no map.
Avoidance: Sometimes this problem is the shield for a bigger, scarier problem underneath. It’s easier to complain about being broke than to grieve that they never felt chosen. Easier to stay overwhelmed than to admit they’re lonely.
